Kitchen Bitch Episode 2 – The Anti Valentines Day Bitch

Author: Cooped Up Chick  //  Category: Appetizers, Desserts, February 2012, Main Course, Seafood Dishes

 

 

My little group and I decided the best way to celebrate the HORROR that is Valentines Day, aka ‘Single Awareness Day’, would be together, with lots of great food, music and alcohol. I don’t really mind V Day all that much other than all the hearts and pink stuff shoved in our faces by retail establishments that tell us if we don’t have a Valentine we are losers. To me its just another day that I have chosen to be alone. I am alone 364 other days of the year so why is the anniversary of the day that St Valentine had his head chopped off in 270 AD going to be any different? YAY….a beheading….here have a Hallmark card and some flowers to celebrate! ???? My highly intelligent and modern mind cannot grasp this concept. 🙂

 

So at the last Kitchen Bitch I took it upon myself to snap up February 14th as MY turn to host the next installment. I am so glad that I did. It gave me some fresh, fun eyes to view all the decorations that were up and around every where. Every time I would see a little cupid, I would picture him hanging in my house….decapitated, just like poor St Valentine. I thought it was a fitting tribute…not sadistic.

I would see a shiny, red heart and pictured it ripped down the center…depicting a ‘Broken Heart’.

I had purchased myself some flowers last week (which I do very frequently) and thought once they were wilted and dead they would make a fabulous centerpiece for the table.

I bought a bunch of ‘Love Animals’ clutching hearts dearly to their busoms…and hung them from nooses throughout the house.

 

Some may find this bitter and sad. It made me IMMENSELY happy. I don’t feel bitter at all. I do not want a relationship. I love my life just as it is. That is NOT to say that I do not get lonely from time to time…I am human…not Borg…but I do HONESTLY love my life just as it it. If a wonderful, generous, caring, loving, handsome, well-blessed man presented himself to me I would recognize and give him a chance but I am not actively dating or out looking. I would literally need Baby Jesus to drop him in my lap for me to notice. Please Baby Jesus….drop a rich, well endowed man into my lap. 😉

What I decided on for the menu was “Bad Date Foods”. Lots of garlic and spice. Messy foods. For an appetizer I found a recipe online for ‘Conceited Mushrooms’ (because they are full of themselves…..HAAAHAAAHAA). Of course, I tweaked it. I can’t help it.

For the Conceited Mushrooms you will need:

2 dozen button mushrooms

1/4 cup flavored bread crumbs, I used Italian bread crumbs from Progresso

1 tsp garlic, minced

1/4 cup onion, diced fine

salt and pepper to taste

2 Tbsps tomato juice *my addition

4 slices cooked bacon, diced *my addition (cause I even have a T-shirt that says “everything is better with bacon”)

a sprinkle of crushed, red chili flakes *my addition

2 Tbsps fresh grated Parmesan cheese

1 Tbsp fresh chopped parsley *my addition

 

First step is to have nice clean mushrooms.

Then separate the stem from the cap.

 

Take half of the stems and chop very fine. This is what makes the mushrooms full of themselves…we are going to add the stems BACK into the cap. Get it? Huh? 😀

Dice your onion.

diced onion

Add some butter or margarine to a small pan and saute the onions and mushroom stems until the onion softens. Add the garlic and sprinkle of chili flakes.

sauteed onion mushroom garlic chili flakes

Add sauteed veg to a bowl.

sauteed veg

Add the bread crumbs…

bread crumbs

…diced bacon…

…the Parmesan cheese…

parmesan cheese

…and the parsley. I tasted the mixture at this point. It was missing an acidic component so I had some tomato juice in the fridge and added a couple of tablespoons. It was PERFECT.

filling for Conceited Mushrooms

I found the button cap had to be modified a little. I took a paring knife and shaved a little around the edge to create a larger opening to restuff. I also sliced a small bit off the bottom to make it more flattened and stable.

Spoon the mixture back into the cap.

conceited mushrooms

Sprinkle a little Parmesan on top and bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes.

stuffed mushrooms conceited mushrooms

 

For the main course I served Super garlicy, spicy shrimp pasta. I have blogged this recipe before (see ‘Spicy Shrimp pasta’ December 2011). I added a side of Roasted Garlic Cheesy bread. Simple french baguette, halved, with garlic butter and roasted garlic mash (lop off the top of a garlic bulb, douse with olive oil, wrap in tin foil, bake at 400 degrees for 45 minutes). Add mozza cheese and broil for 5 minutes. Watch carefully so it doesn’t burn.

 

This dish would be considered a “bad date food” on 2 fronts! Uber garlic breath and a wonderful, slurpy, pasta slinging mess! Love it. Me and my girls didn’t care!!

garlicy spicy shrimp paste

 

For dessert I made Sex-in-a-pan. I had never made (or ate) this before but I figured that just because we are single doesn’t mean we can’t have sex on Valentine’s Day….it would just have to be in a pan. And not in any kinky way. Again….I modified the recipe slightly.

What you will need (for my bastardized version):

1 package instant chocolate pudding

1 package instant vanilla pudding

(milk to make the pudding…4 cups)

1 container Cool Whip, thawed

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs

1/2 cup melted margarine

1 8oz block of cream cheese, softened

1 cup icing sugar

milk chocolate for garnish

butterscotch ganache (1 cup of heavy cream brought to a simmer on stovetop, remove from heat and one package Chipits butterscotch chips stirred in until melted. Allow to cool completely)

 

Mix together the graham cracker crumbs and melted butter. The actual recipe called for 1 cup of chopped pecans but since I am allergic to nuts (take that however you want to! lol) I left them out. Press into the bottom of a 9×13 pan and bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes. Make sure it doesn’t burn. Mine cooked for 16 minutes and was perfect. Allow to cool completely.

graham cracker crust

While the crust cools, make your puddings as per the directions on the box. These also have to set before continuing.

chocolate pudding

vanilla pudding

 

In another bowl, mix the cream cheese and the icing sugar.

cream cheese icing sugar

cream cheese mixture

 

Fold in 1 cup of Cool Whip.

cream cheese mixture with cool whip

 

Once the crust is completely cooled, add the cream cheese mixture.

 

Drizzle with butterscotch ganache.

butterscotch ganache

 

Top with chocolate pudding and some shaved or chopped chocolate.

chocolate layer

 

Add the vanilla pudding layer and top with the remaining Cool Whip.

vanilla and whip cream layer

 

Garnish with more drizzled ganache, shaved and chopped chocolate. To shave chocolate just drag a sharp knife across the chocolate bar. Chop what is left.

 

Refrigerate for at least 1 hour before serving.

sex in a pan

 

To top off the evening we also created a delicious libation. It started with Amandas idea to mix Peach Schnapps with grapefruit juice (the result of leftover Schnapps from the Belinis at her party…and whatever was sitting in her fridge. Thank GOD she didn’t have beet juice in there!!!) I never got an exact recipe from her so I took that idea and ran with it.

This poor drink has an identity crisis. At first Amanda wanted to call it a ‘Zipless F#$k’ since searching drink names and realizing ‘A One Night Stand’ was taken. This was her idea of a synonym. Since my mommy reads my blog (on occasion) and she would be disappointed in me for using THE BIG CURSE WORD…I nixxed that idea. MY idea of a synonym would be to call it a ‘Colin Farrell’. In my opinion, Mr Farrell looks like a dirty bird that would throw you over the back of a couch, ravage you and then leave you panting…wanting more…as he nonchalantly left the premises. Read: One Night Stand. I could be wrong about this. He could be a really sweet guy…maybe this is my fantasy version of the man! Amanda has since been calling is a ‘Saucy Monkey’. After a few drinks we were easily calling it ‘Colin Farrells Saucy Monkey’ 😉

What you will need is:

2oz Vodka

4oz Peach Schnapps

2 cups Ocean spray Ruby Red Grapefruit juice

3oz fresh squeezed grapefruit juice

2 Tbsps thawed grapefruit juice concentrate (not mixed with water…straight from the can)

1 squirt Real lemon juice

1 tsp grenadine

grapefruit zest for garnish

grapefruit drink crystals mixed with super fine sugar, to rim the glass.

 

I started by using the leftover, squeezed carcass of grapefruit to moisten the rim of the glass then coated it with the crystal and sugar mixture. SOOOOOOO fancy!

Then in a cocktail shaker I mixed all the ingredients except the grenadine and garnish. Shake (not stirred 😉 ) and pour into a martini or margarita glass. Drizzle in the grenadine and top with garnish. YUM YUM YUM!!! I drank these all afternoon. Of course just to get the measurements correct!

vodka peach schnapps grapefruit juice Colin Farrell

 

 

I think the 2nd installment of the Kitchen Bitch club was very successful and FUN! The ladies that attended got to take home a soundtrack with such lovely romantic classics as “These Boots are Made for Walking”, “Whats Love Got to Do With It”, “Love Stinks”, “I Never Really Loved You Anyway” and “I Don’t Need a Man”. Amanda made little Valentines boxes full of chocolates, cinnamon hearts and a little something extra for me. THANKS Amanda!!! I appreciate it!

Thank you to the girls that made it…Amanda and Jenn!! Without you Valentines Day would have sucked…again. I think this may have to be a yearly event at my house. As I take down the decorations and pack them away, I am filled with OTHER great decoration and food ideas for next year. ‘Colin Farrell’ will be there for sure!!

 

Enjoy!

love, peace and chicken grease,

-A Cooped Up Chick

 

 

 

 

 

2 Responses to “Kitchen Bitch Episode 2 – The Anti Valentines Day Bitch”

  1. Denise Says:

    um….YUMMY! Cannot wait to try the mushrooms!

  2. Jenn Ritchie Says:

    absolutly enjoyed every part of the meal. Mushrooms to start were soooo tasty! The main dish, the pasta was so very yummy had a perfect little kick to it just enough to make your lips tingle and the shrimp in it was perfect. Sex in a pan was exactly that OH my god it was good nice and creamy and sweet. I have a lot of thinking to do for next months Kitchen bitch wow this meal will be hard to out due

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